You can't turn back the clock--But you can wind it up again.
I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. - Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)
I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies". So I did.
Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars".
- Steven Wright
There are only two kinds of scholars; those who love ideas and those who hate them. - Emile Chartier
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. -Mark Twain
Time is not an enemy unless you try to kill it.
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. - George Carlin
If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it? - George Carlin
Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. - George Carlin
It's not only quiet people who don't say much.
There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it. - George Carlin
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend. I didn't bother with him. - George Carlin
Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.
I went to the bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. - George Carlin
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