If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If television shows continue the way they're going, the public will soon be demanding longer commercials.
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him - Michael, 14 Advice from Kids
I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there.
- Steven Wright
No brook is too little to seek the sea.
Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change. - Confucius
If at first you do succeed, hide your astonishment.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. - George Carlin
I got up one morning, couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She
said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said,
"They're behind the couch." And they were! - Steven Wright
My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. - George Carlin
One-third of the people in this country promote, while the other two-thirds provide.
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. - George Carlin
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they
wouldn't have to go so fast. - Steven Wright
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear "27 months". "He's two" will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place. - George Carlin
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