By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong. - Charles Wadsworth
Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy. - Gary Busey
China is a big country with a lot of chinese people living there. - Charles De Gaulle, Former French President
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas,
people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. - Steven Wright
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. - Bob Hope
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. - George Carlin
All the world's a stage, but most of us are stagehands.
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife. - Douglas Adams
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. - Mark Twain
We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally. - Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister
If at first you do succeed, hide your astonishment.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. - Steve Martin
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