When a pessimist has nothing to worry about, he worries about why he has nothing to worry about.
After all is said and done, usually more is said.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. -Mark Twain
I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, "It's
free with purchase." I asked her if anyone bought anything today.
-- Steven Wright
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him -Michael, 14 Advice from Kids
The road of good intentions is paved with Hell. - Spencer Ante
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? - George Carlin
I do not regret one professional enemy I have made. Any actor who doesn't dare to make an enemy should get out of the business. -Bette Davis, The Lonely Life, 1962
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees. - Jason Kidd
A neat desk is a sign of a sick mind.
We are sorry to announce that Mr Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover. - Parish Magazine
I had amnesia once or twice. -- Steven Wright
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. -- Steven Wright
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was
locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He
said, "Yes, but not in a row." -- Steven Wright
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