*Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly. - Batman Costume warning label
I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. - George Carlin
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Religion is like a pair of shoes... Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. - George Carlin
Hard work is a misleading term. Physical effort and long hours do not constitute hard work. Hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. Anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing... you're doing hard work. - George Carlin
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions --but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush, US President
The advice of friends must be received with a judicious reserve; we must not give ourselves up to it and follow it blindly, whether right or wrong. -Pierre Charron
Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. - George Carlin
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. - George Carlin
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they? - George Carlin
If you really want the world to beat a path to your door, try taking a nap.
"I think not," said Descartes, and promptly disappeared.
When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. If you're born in America you get a front row seat. - George Carlin
I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck. - George Carlin
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