Joy is not in what we own...it's in what we are.
Only those who do nothing make no mistakes.
An optimist is a person who sticks on the stamp before addressing the envelope.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin
My neighbor has a circular driveway...he can't get out. - Steven Wright
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. - Bob Hope
Here's a bumper sticker I'd like to see: "We are the proud parents of a child who's self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn't need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car". - George Carlin
Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment. - Betty White
Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be. - George Carlin
I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore. - George Carlin
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. - Bill Watterson
Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see. - Edgar Allan Poe
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
- more quotes -
