The road of good intentions is paved with Hell. - Spencer Ante
Be neither too remote nor too familiar. - Prince Charles, of Wales
It's never just a game when you're winning. - George Carlin
This world is run with far too tight a rein for luck to interfere. Fortune sells her wares; she never gives them In some form or other, we pay for her favors; or we go away empty - Amelia Barr
I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies". So I did.
Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars".
- Steven Wright
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was
locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He
said, "Yes, but not in a row." - Steven Wright
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
- Steven Wright
I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope.
"We're surrounded." - Steven Wright
For four-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond scum.
He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which. - Douglas Adams
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. - Ann Landers
I think I am, therefore, I am... I think. - George Carlin
Here's a bumper sticker I'd like to see: "We are the proud parents of a child who's self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn't need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car". - George Carlin
- more quotes -
