I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.
- Steven Wright
You can't have everything. Where would you put it? - Steven Wright
And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. - George Carlin
He who is in love with himself has at least this advantage -- he won't encounter many rivals. - Georg Lichtenberg
All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree. - Albert Einstein
Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything. - Ivana Trump, upon finishing her first novel
If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it? - George Carlin
640K ought to be enough for anybody. - Bill Gates, 1981
Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be. - George Carlin
The opposite of war is not peace, It's creation -Unknown
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Some people know lots more than they tell-- Some don't.
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like "Psychic Wins Lottery"? - Jay Leno
If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time. - Abraham Lincoln
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