Think About It

Quote Search

411 quotes in
the system.

I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are furious! -- Steven Wright

When I get bored I go to a Seven-Eleven and ask for a two-by-four and a box of three-by-fives. -- Steven Wright

Marriage is like any other job: it's much easier if you like the boss.

Only those who do nothing make no mistakes.

The biggest problem with perfection is what to do with all the unused erasers.

We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people. - Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes. -- Steven Wright

Talk is cheap, until you talk to a lawyer.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. -Albert Einstein

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. - George Carlin

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Marriage is made in heaven--so is thunder and lightning.

He who receives a benefit should never forget it; he who bestow should never remember it. -Pierre Charron

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect. - George Carlin

- more quotes -