Joy is not in what we own...it's in what we are.
If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record. - Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. - Ellen DeGeneres
By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong. - Charles Wadsworth
Better to be square than to move in wrong circles.
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. - Casey Stengel
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls. - Dan Quayle
The golden opportunity you are seeking is in yourself. It is not in your environment; it is not in luck or chance, or the help of others; it is in yourself alone. - Orison Swett Marden
Marriage is like any other job: it's much easier if you like the boss.
Only those who do nothing make no mistakes.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment. - Betty White
Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be. - George Carlin
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. - George Carlin
I went to the bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. - George Carlin
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