I do not regret one professional enemy I have made. Any actor who doesn't dare to make an enemy should get out of the business. - Bette Davis, The Lonely Life, 1962
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. - Emo philips
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
Marriage is made in heaven--so is thunder and lightning.
Don't just teach your children to read... Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything. - George Carlin
If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work. - George Carlin
What if there were no hypothetical questions? - George Carlin
I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. - G. K. Chesterton
Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. - George Carlin
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. - Douglas Adams
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. - Steven Wright
Hard work is a misleading term. Physical effort and long hours do not constitute hard work. Hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. Anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing... you're doing hard work. - George Carlin
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. - George Carlin
You are not superior just because you see the world in an odious light. - Vicomte de Chateaubriand
- more quotes -
