Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
My neighbor has a circular driveway...he can't get out. - Steven Wright
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. - Dave Barry
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on
them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright
If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. - Ann Landers
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. - Thomas A. Edison
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. - Alan Dundes
A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never quite sure.
If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. - Bill Vaughan
It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another. - George Bush, US President
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. - A. A. Milne
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt - Bertrand Russell
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like "Psychic Wins Lottery"? - Jay Leno
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