I don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical. - Arthur C. Clarke
Where's my jacket? I've looked everywhere! Under the bed, over my chair, on the stairs, on the hall floor, in the kitchen. It's just not anywhere....Oh HERE it is! Who put it in the stupid closet!? - Calvin (from Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes)
I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don't have as many people who believe it. - George Carlin
When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? - George Carlin
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
The most important ability is availability.
OS/2 is the operating system of the '90s - Bill Gates
Time is not an enemy unless you try to kill it.
I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They
went "Aaaaahhhh..." - Steven Wright
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin
I think I am, therefore, I am... I think. - George Carlin
I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies". So I did.
Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars".
- Steven Wright
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! - Tom Lehrer
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