A lot of beautiful people are stupid. There's a tremendous amount of idiots who look so good. It's frightening. - Dean Cain
The advice of friends must be received with a judicious reserve; we must not give ourselves up to it and follow it blindly, whether right or wrong. -Pierre Charron
I've read about foreign policy and studied -- I know the number of continents. - George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. - Douglas Adams
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. - Steve Martin
Religion is like a pair of shoes... Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. - George Carlin
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better. - George Carlin
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. - George Carlin
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area
was missing. - Steven Wright
I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. - Winston Churchill
The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept. - George Carlin
Time is not an enemy unless you try to kill it.
We are sorry to announce that Mr Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover. - Parish Magazine
Did you know that 7/5 people don't know how to use fractions?
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