Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein
Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.
Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
A quotation, like a pun, should come unsought, and then be welcomed only for some propriety of felicity justifying the intrusion. - Robert Chapman
An obstacle may be either a stepping stone or a stumbling block.
If everything went like clockwork, the ticking would drive us nuts.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Ever notice how irons have a setting for *permanent* press? I don't get it...
- Steven Wright
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. - Albert Einstein
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. - George Carlin
But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. - Carl Sagan
In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem - George Carlin
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues
that are in all the other museums. - Steven Wright
When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
- more quotes -
