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the system.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. -- Steven Wright

I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare. -- Steven Wright

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. - Douglas Adams

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." -- Steven Wright

One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house. -- Steven Wright

A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.

The most important ability is availability.

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire. -- Steven Wright

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. - George Carlin

Is it possible to be totally partial?

The only good thing about free advice is that the price is right.

All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree. - Albert Einstein

Antidotes are what you take to prevent dotes. - Anon

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month. - Theodore Roosevelt

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