I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?"
I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar." - Steven Wright
A perfection of means, and confusion of aims, seems to be our main problem. - Albert Einstein
I can resist everything except temptation. - Oscar Wilde
A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author. - G. K. Chesterton
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. - George Carlin
An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered. - G. K. Chesterton
I had amnesia once or twice. - Steven Wright
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
Just 'cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean that the circus has left town. - George Carlin
There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on. - Samual Goldwyn
A Shower is the halfway point between Bed and World.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin
They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles. - George Carlin
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