Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. - George Carlin
If you really want the world to beat a path to your door, try taking a nap.
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. - Douglas Adams
Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage. - Evan Esar
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
Don't just teach your children to read... Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything. - George Carlin
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area
was missing. - Steven Wright
I don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical. - Arthur C. Clarke
Would a fly without wings be called a walk? - George Carlin
The trouble with car payments is that they sometimes continue running after the car does.
Children who could be seen and not heard have been replaced by those who can be heard even when they're out of sight.
Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a --it is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation. - Dan Quayle, US VP
If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? - George Carlin
Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. - George Carlin
All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree. - Albert Einstein
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