Think About It

Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. - Billy Sunday

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. - Steven Wright

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. - Steven Wright

Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I'm gonna say, "Go ahead, touch it...it feels real." - Steven Wright

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast. - Steven Wright

I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. - Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)

Talk is cheap, until you talk to a lawyer.

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair. - Douglas Adams

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

This war will not be over by the next commercial break -US spokeperson talking to reporters during the Gulf War

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. - Steven Wright

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln

Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait." - Steven Wright

Religion is like a pair of shoes... Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. - George Carlin

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