Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth. On the back it said, "Wish you were here." - Steven Wright
Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? - George Carlin
Where's my jacket? I've looked everywhere! Under the bed, over my chair, on the stairs, on the hall floor, in the kitchen. It's just not anywhere....Oh HERE it is! Who put it in the stupid closet!? - Calvin (from Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes)
I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape
of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
- Steven Wright
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. - George Carlin
I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, "Steven, time to
go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how." She said, "It's real easy.
Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left." So I went down to the end
of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and
she said "I thought I told you to go to sleep." - Steven Wright
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. - Bill Watterson
Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds.
Every area of trouble gives out a ray of hope; and the one unchangeable certanity is that nothing is certain or unchangeable. - John F. Kennedy
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box.
I was an only child....eventually. - Steven Wright
Above all else -- sky.
Revenge is a dish that should be eaten cold. - Anonymous (English proverb)
Tact is the ability to close your mouth before someone else wants to.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
An obstacle may be either a stepping stone or a stumbling block.
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